Angolia part one; The first colonial settlers.

Captain Jean Scarlett

1615 -1687

Angolia was formed in the 17th century when the mad French Privateer, Captain Jean Scarlett, sacked the Spanish city of Panama of an estimated 600,000 pieces of silver from the Spanish crown. 

After having a slap up party in Tortuga. Captain Scarlett fired his entire crew of hardened buccaneers and hired a crew exclusively of promo girls and a young seamstress from Port Royal of the name of Victoria Secret.  The intrepid captain piloted his frigate in a rum fuelled party back home to southern France. 

Unfortunately the new crew were not as adept at navigation as the previous crew, and instead of arriving in Marseilles for wine and medals the ship anchored off the east coast of Africa.

Although slightly disappointed The intrepid captain decided to settle the landon behalf of the French crown.

 Luckily the local tribe, the Frootis were fluent in French and Englishdue to the fact their chief was educated at Eton and then Harrow, receiving a MS.c. in Engineering. The captain offered to buy the portion of the land where he and his crew landed. But as the local tribes had just evicted the Portuguese from the area they had no intention of allowing the French in. 

The Frooti chief laughed and said to Scarlett “You may as well negotiate with the Monkeys for this land”.

Vervet monkey

So Captain Scarlett did.

After a protracted negotiation with the resident troop of Vervet Monkeys and their Chimpanzees allies in the mountains, the Monkeys sold Angolia for thirty muskets, one thousand Spanish crowns and twenty barrels of Rum

The Chief of the Frootis was incensed by the transaction. He  demanded that the Colonists leave immediately, “It was a joke. I didn’t mean literally.” he claimed.

But the captain and his crew were adamant they were not leaving, as they had just opened a patisserie, and planted some pinot grapevines. Also the crew were working on their tans.

The Frooti rallied for war and marched on the fledgling settlement. Although the tribesmen outnumbered the French settlers ten to one, they had not taking into account the troops of drunken heavily armed monkeys wandering the jungle.  The tribes were soundly thrashed after a vicous battle and the settlement was secure. 

The fledgling colony of Angolia was born.