11 Jun 2014

I need cash

George RR Martin loves wolves.  He has a mad passion for them. George RR Martin is drawn to wolves the same way I am drawn to raspberry slice.

Thus in support of this charity he is offering to insert you, yes you, into the very fabric of the Game of Thrones novels for the price of $19,950. 
But don’t call now, wait for it.
wait for  it.............
Not only can you have a character you create in the new novels, but they get to be killed too at no extra cost.

Now normally asking for a character to be killed would cost $100,000, but if you donate$20,000 to the Wild Spirit Wolf Sanctuary you can have it for no extra cost!

Kanye West tried to insert a character into the series and have it killed but Martin said “In a fantasy world of Dragons, Giants, and White Walkers there still needs to be at least a semblance of logic, rules if you will. The sun should rise, gravity works, it has to be a world that the readers can conceive of and accept. A fifteen foot god king known as ‘Kanye the Immortal’  who has laser beam eyes and can kill dragons with his voice’  probably crosses that line.”

Frankly good on George! 

While this all may seem a bit exorbitant, I think it should be pricey. Firstly there are people out there with $20k burning a hole in their pocket, for some that’s a good Friday night out on the LA club scene. Secondly how many of us would like to do this? How many fans would want to be part of the mythology, in some small way? The answer is how many fans does he have? 

I am not entirely sure how successful Martin will be in this, but I imagine that by creating this opportunity he can assist a cause that he believes in. And all power to him.  Some people have a real problem with celebrities using their fame and influence for charity or causes. I don’t.

If I had $20,000 to spare, just under the couch cushion, or in the loose coin tray in the car, what would I submit to Mr. Martin?

Well like the majority I would probably choose a noble, but minor one.  One of my favorite characters is Olenna Tyrell, thus a Bannerman to the Tyrell’s would be a good option. I suspect the Queen of Thorns is not done yet and she may need to have a trusted Bannerman, a distant relative on the Redwynne side perhaps, to keep her grandchildren alive on the battlefield. I would like a character to engage with her, exchange banter with her.  I would make him a good warrior, who would die not in battle, but perhaps in a surprising way.

If I had a choice I would have Melisandre facing off against Olenna. It is always interesting to have two intelligent and powerful women facing off in a battle of wits, and I think this would be a great scene.   Perhaps a conflict in the capital between Stannis and Kings Landings in which Melisandre  sneaks in to kill Tommen and encounters Olenna instead.
 A battle of wits and words would ensue which Melisandre would eventually lose to Lady Olenna who would expose the younger woman’s guile to be a clever facade which would crumble in the face of real intelligence.
 However Melisandre would then order her henchmen to kill the old lady (funny now I read that, she is literally an old lady!)  Then Lady Olenna will call for my character (lets calls him Oscar for now) to kill her. There could be a reasonably light scene where he has just arrived from the battle, and having run up all those bloody stairs now has to fight.

Oscar will move forward and engage the Henchmen; maybe they are Baratheon knights, or more likely fanatical followers of the red god, or both.  After a short exchange Oscar kills the Henchmen only to have Melisandre shoot him in the stomach with a crossbow bolt.
 Then as the old lady sits and watches Melisandre monologue about the power of her God etc etc, Melisandre sets Oscar on fire as a sacrifice.  She watches him scream for a second before drawing a knife and advancing on the Lady Olenna.  But before she can strike a bloodied burning hand grabs her and crushes her to the screaming body of Oscar. She is immune to the flames but cannot pull free. Oscar, mad with pain and rage, manages to stumble to the window and falls out dragging Melisandre with him to fall to their deaths into the sea below.
 Lady Olenna will walk to the window and mutter a little sadly “stupid boy.”
 End scene.
 Or something like that.

That is my idea, If you had 20k rolling around what would you write? 

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