A fun opportunity

HELLOOOOOOOO

Just letting my reader know a wee bit of news.

I have been invited to review a series of books. Now I don't know much about what I will be reviewing, however I will be reviewing them on a podcast.

The perfect face for Radio

I will give more details later once I know more, and I will post my reviews here. I believe they will be science fiction books, but as I said I will let you know.

I will post some DVD reviews shortly.

And enjoy your Friday the 13th.

image courtesy of www.savagechickens.com

I was told not to.

Yes, I was told not to. I said I wouldn't.  I was told not to again by someone who watched it. 

But then I caved and I watched..

Many of you will be wondering why I watched this. I am not sure I can answer that question. I can only speculate that it was partly curiosity, partly rage, and well, curiosity. 

And here is what I thought. I will try (and fail) not to compare this film to the TMNT canon, and just focus on the movie. But we all know that basically I am weak. 

Oh yes spoilers follow. Well hardly spoilers, I doubt there is much I will be saying that will actually make this movie any worse.

The movie starts off with a poor imitation of the cartoon sequences you have in the Marvel movies and then the movie proper starts where it is revealed that New York is under threat from the secret Ninja 'foot clan'.

Hang on a minute, how secret is this secret Ninja clan if everyone knows about it?  Right moving on. April O'Neil (Megan Fox) is trying to be taken seriously as a reporter. However, her editor (Whoopi Goldberg) just sees her as a pretty face only good for fluff pieces. I imagine Whoopi saw her performance in Transformers 2. 

April still hasn't mastered the selfie yet. 

But April is determined to unmask the Foot clan. Why I don't know as everyone knows about the Foot - they operate in plain sight. In her search for the Foot Clan, and maybe her self esteem, April discovers a super human vigilante who is fighting back against the Foot. April starts to track down the vigilantes, and when she does they introduce themselves straight off the back as mutant teenage turtle ninjas. They also instantly remove their masks?

This is of course the big reveal when we get to see the 2014 Ninja turtles!

Huh?

No really what the hell? 

Dude that is totally not me!

Lips? LIPS? and what is with the nose and the crazy brows, and their brutish overly muscled bodies, and the lips! They look the twisted love children of Yoda and the Hulk!

This for me is one of the (many, many) problems of the film. It just has no idea who it is aimed at. Is it a kids movie? Well then why is it rated M (in New Zealand at any rate). The story is an over complicated mess, but while the story is a mess it is also lacking in any substance or sophistication for anyone over 10? 

Here is a piece; the Turtles were actually a science experiment of April's father, and she gave them their names, and apparently their color schemes.  When there was a fire in the science lab, she rescued them (and Splinter who looks like Capybara with a mustache), then she dumped them on the street and left them. Presumably this rescue was occurring as her father died in the same fire. 

And lets just ride on past the love story between Mikey and April.  

While Michael Bay only produced this film, you can see his influence. Explosions, more explosions, gratuitous slow motion sequences, explosions, Megan Fox’s arse and stuttered acting, explosions and an overblown chase sequence that is very reminiscent of the action films of the 80’s but just comes across as tired. The action was over the top and typical Bay. We have seen these sorts of sequences time and time again. 

Oh and the final Bayism is that they turned Shredder into Megatron. 

The film is mostly about April, her dad, her career, her ass, and less about the Turtles. The Turtles needed to have more screen time, after all it is about them. 

TMNT is meant to be fun. Even the early comics were essentially fun. They were about a bunch of mutant teenage turtles being martial arts, ninja, crime fighters. They used their skills, team work and heroism to defeat the bad guys. They were not hulked out monsters, who threw shipping containers around. 

I didn't even enjoy the action. The choreography was chunky and boring. Sure the main characters are CGI, but we have the technology in 2014 to do better. 

If you are a fan of the Turtles and want to see them in action. I recommend that you check out the Cartoon from Nickeodeon. 

Otherwise I would avoid this film like an ex-girlfriends/boyfriends text asking if they can come over.  Just say NO!

3 out of ten. 

Look out for the best picture Oscar for 2016

I have seen quite a few films in my time. My love of film covers the broad spectrum of the silent classics of the 20's to the hi tech digital marvels that brought Tolkien to life before our very eyes.  I love dramas, independent film, fun comedy and a good old Arnie action film.  I can appreciate the beautiful aesthetic of good cinematography, to a simple well written story.

This film I think may be the best film ever! Yes I called it.
EV-ER.

Forget classics like  Citizen Kane, The Godfather, Ben Hur,  or the  dramatic sweeping urban operatic masterpiece that is  The Blue Brothers.  This film is just amazing.

I could keep talking but I think the trailer speaks for it'self.

I present to you the best film EVER!

hope you liked the trailer. 

Disclaimer: this is only a trailer so I have not actually seen the whole film.  But I'm still excited!

I'm back Hobbits

Helloooo

Well it it has been a month since my last, which is a bit rubbish. Lovely sunny weather, long hard days at work and being a terrible procrastinator have contributed to that.

I am sure I am meant to do some work....sometime...

Well, let us get started..

This is the last of the trilogy, and of the LOTR series. At the beginning of the film Sir Pete has a wee short with cast and crew talking about their experiences and how wonderful New Zealand is. That was nice.

Some mild spoilers follow.

The Battle of the Five Armies  is the strongest and best film of the trilogy. With regards to pacing and time, Jackson finally gets it right. There was no point in the film where I was bored with "too much" Hobbit.

The action and fight choreography was at the level you now expect from the franchise; entertaining and dazzling fights, battles and heroes.  There were some Legolas sequences that seemed noticeably CGI, and surprisingly a Shai Hulud moment? I wondered what sort of weapons the Orcs would bring out of the deep desert? Would they start using Bilbo's name as a killing word?

They (thankfully) didn't, but they did have weird, mutilated and tortured trolls, some missing eyes, and limbs. Given the more child friendly films Jackson seemed to be making with the previous two movies, these creatures seemed an odd choice? But all in all the action sequences were cool.

Given that this part of the trilogy is the climatic battle of  The Hobbit, the story was possibly the best written of the three. I really liked the love story between Kili and Tauriel. While some purists might loathe this addition, I thought it added well needed depth to the film.  The madness of Thorin was also well done. For a moment I thought the scene was going down some sort of sixties mind warp, but it ended at just the right time before we entered the realm of 2001, A Space Odyssey. 

Two complaints I do have about the story though; Afrid, and the lack of character development of the Dwarves. The whole story arc with Alfrid seemed stupid and pointless. Yes Bard is good, yes his children are good, you do not need to expound on this by consistently comparing them to a sniveling coward. It seemed an unnecessary addition.  I imagine that in the director's edition there may be more that makes this aspect make sense.

The other thing that irritated me was the lack of character development and interaction with the other Dwarves. I don't mean add another 20 minutes, but a few moments or lines here or there wouldn't hurt surely.  Some viewers who have not read the book would be forgiven for wondering who they are and why the hell are they there?

I think we could have gotten away with less focus on the others if there had been more in the previous two films? I mean there was plenty they could have culled from the first and second movies. But it is probably just me.

The acting and direction were fine, and the scenery wonderful. Watch out for Hugo Weaving and Cate Blanchett kicking arse!

Over all it was a fun film, not spectacular but a fine ending to the series.

Seven hobbits from me.

I am a bit giddy with excitment

OOh the first teaser Huzzah

This is not an official trailer but I liked it.  

I have so much hope.

I have so much fear.

I simply must hope. 

Weird...

I have a bit of a odd topic today, I want to write about the weird film. In literature there is (arguably) a sub genre of horror stories which are weird rather that scary, macabre rather than gory. I write arguably because in essence the weird story is not confined to horror, it is just more prevalent in that genre and most often contains a supernatural element to it. 

H. P. Lovecraft wrote in his essay  Supernatural Horror in Literature 

"The true weird tale has something more than secret murder, bloody bones, or a sheeted form clanking chains according to rule. A certain atmosphere of breathless and unexplainable dread of outer, unknown forces must be present; and there must be a hint, expressed with a seriousness and portentousness becoming its subject, of that most terrible conception of the human brain--a malign and particular suspension or defeat of those fixed laws of Nature which are our only safeguard against the assaults of chaos and the daemons of unplumbed space."

But while it would be easy to reference the works of writers such as: Lovecraft, M.R. James, Lord Dunsany, and Clive Barker, for example, there is more scope than horror stories. Look at the works of Ray Bradbury, Franz Kafka and the wonderful books by China Mieville, there are dozens if not hundreds of well written stories which are "weird" but not really horror.  The weird can disturb and challenge you, it leaves you with questions, maybe questions you do not want the answer to.

I think a lot of writers from the 40's through to the 70's wrote what could be described as weird stories because they wanted to challenge and raise questions about society and the direction of humanity.

But what about movies?  Has the weird tale made it's way onto the silver screen? I am not referring to films where art and expression have replaced a narrative plot, or films that are bizarre just for sake of it.  No, more films that have carried on the tradition of the weird tale into a new medium.  Here is a selection of a few films I think qualify.

1: Freaks

Tod Browning's compelling tale of love and betrayal in a travelling freak show. Disturbing but also full of empathy and compassion, Freaks does not make this list due to the nature of it's cast, but because of it's eerie finale.

2: Donnie Darko

The film that introduced the world to Jake Gyllenhaal,  Donnie Darko is a tale of a teenage angst, somnambulism, paradoxes, and Frank the strange Rabbit from the future. Wonderfully dark and haunting, Donnie Darko is, at it's heart, a strange love story, albeit a very weird one.

3: The Stepford Wives

The 1975 version with the beautiful Katherine Ross not the terrible remake. The very weird story of a couple moving into a quaint neighborhood where all the women are the "perfect" suburban housewife. Based on a novel by Ira Levin. The Stepford Wives is still a very creepy film.  

4: The City of Lost Children

One of my all time favorite films ever! A magnificent fairy tale of a sideshow strongman and a cynical sneak thief trying to rescue a little boy from a mad scientist who invades the dreams of stolen children to try and find his soul. 

5: Delicatessen

Jean-Pierre Jeunet directed this and my previous choice. Jeunet and Besson are two of my favorite French directors.  Delicatessen is a strange tale of Love, murder and sausages in a dystopian future where food is scarce. 

6: Pan's Labyrinth

Guillermo del Toro's fable set in Spain in 1944. Many people I know easily write off the fantastic elements of this story to the delusions of a young and lonely girl. However if that is true how did Ofelia escape from the locked room?

7: In the Mouth of Madness

In any list of the weird you have to include John Carpenters homage to H.P. Lovecraft. 

8: Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory

Gene Wilder's performance of this adaptation of Roald Dahls's book is wonderfully weird and creepy.  It is rumored that Dahl loathed this film, however there is evidence that this is just a Hollywood myth

9: The 5,000 fingers of Dr T.

Dr Suess on the big screen, a wonderful tale of a boy who hates learning the Piano. 

10: Dune 

No list would be complete without a film by David Lynch. With Sting, Giant Worms, Kyle Maclachlan and music by Toto this space Opera can still confuse and stimulate. "Now remember, walk without rhythm, and we won't attract the worm."

Obviously there are many more films which might or should be on this list. But these are the first ten I thought of. You might know of some others, let me know your favorites. 

Afflicted

As this weekend was Halloween, my girl and I decided to watch some Horror movies. My lady had never seen  American Werewolf in London, so we started on that. Then we went in search of exciting new horror. Neither of us were optimistic to be honest. The most we hoped for was an amusing monster vs monster movie with some aging teen star trying to keep his rotting career alive. What we found were  Avalanche Sharks,  the indie film You can't kill Stephen King,  and Afflicted. 

Avalanche Sharks was awful. We had hoped for so bad it was fun, but it was nonsensical rubbish. You can't kill Stephen King, was a fun little indie horror film that is a homage to the  horror writer Stephen King.

Afflicted  was a complete surprise, and I enjoyed it so much that I had to blog about it.

Synopsis:

 Derek loves travel, and recently discovered that he has a condition which could debilitate him at any time. Against the wishes of his doctor and family Derek has decided that he doesn't want to waste another minute of his life, So along with his best friend Cliff, Derek starts a year long trip around the world. Cliff is documentary film maker and is going to chronicle their journey.

But just as their trip begins Derek contracts a strange illness which slowly affects his ability to travel Cliff is torn by his friends desire to continue their journey on what could be his last trip ever, or convince him to seek help. As time progresses Derek's condition deteriorates in a disturbing way.

Afflicted  is a indie horror production, but it's creators and stars managed to make a professional and clever little movie for only $300,000. We were completely taken by surprise not only it's quality but by it's well crafted story. The main two characters are also the writers and directors, and this is their first feature length film.  I was a little concerned by the documentary element of the film, but it is cleverly done and much superior to similar films like The Blair Witch Project. 

Afflicted  is the best new horror I have seen in ages. Yes it was made on a tiny budget by a couple of guys, but the quality of the this production and the enthusiasm behind it made it exceptionally enjoyable. Also the little epilogue at the end of the film  was fun and unexpected.

Like horror and want something new and fun, I recommend Afflicted.

7 monkeys