16 Apr 2012

Angolia part seven; The Seventies to the Nineties, and September 11

The Disco years to Magnum P.I.

1972 brought and end to civil war to Angolia, but not peace. In December 1972 the invasion of Disco came to Angolia's peaceful land. This dark time lasted until 1981 with fashion crimes too terrible to mention here. Then finally in 1981 Disco was officially dead. It was shot several times while waiting at some traffic lights in it's cream Cadillac with avocado interior, then driven into the jungle and buried in an unmarked grave.
Human rights abuses under the Disco era
 From 1980 -1988 the country entered a new era of hope, and with hope came American television and the people became obsessed with the American TV show Magnum P.I. The country became so obsessed that the Angolian parliament passed legislation that the Angolian police force’s new uniform be changed to shorts, large moustaches and Hawaiian shirts, and the old police land rovers be replaced with Ferrari's.
Angolian Chief of police Francois Burgandy  on duty in 1986
While this legislation almost bankrupted the country, an impromptu visit by Tom Selleck in 1987 made the ridiculous expense worth it. Another issue was that the new policemen were so popular, young women would commit crimes merely to draw attention to themselves.

Economic ruin and the 90’s

1988 drove the country into ruin. Not because of the stock market crash, but due to the finance minister, Sir Miquel Renoyds investing the entire countries budget into a large DeLorean car factory after watching the movie Back to the Future.
Sir Miquel Renoyds just before his death
At a press conference Sir Renoyds  told the country that he would fix the issue by “Travelling back to 1986 to tell himself not to do it.”  Unfortunately he was killed when his car subsequently crashed into the historic New Noir fort at 88 miles per hour.

During the early 90’s the country survived on its tourist dollar, renting the national army out to Hollywood as extras for action movies starring Mel Gibson, and telemarketing Avon.

Economic recovery and the war against terror
1999 bought a time of economic recovery for the country when Crown Prince Luc Paul Scarlett II a recent graduate of  computer science at the University of Oxford, invented the Angolian Y2K protection software. He promised other developing African nations that, for a reasonable price, their countries would not fall into ruin and chaos after their computer systems collapsed in the year 2000.
Prince Luc Paul Scarlett II
While foreign critics have condemned the prince as fraudulent and conducting an elaborate hoax, Angolia  benefited from other countries' paranoia. Although Prince Luc himself points out that, history reflects that the countries that did buy his software did not suffer from mass computer software collapses. Although admittedly many did suffer economic problems.

The terrible events of September 11 had a profound effect on the Country. Angolia instantly signed up to fight the war against terror. Unfortunately due to a lack of understanding by Parliament of what that actually meant, Angolia sent it’s army to the homes of  Wes Craven, John Carpenter and Pauly Shore, and banned all the Hostel movies.
Despite the initial distress caused by the invasion of their homes, both Mr. Carpenter and Mr. Craven were very understanding Especially after they received; an official apology, a large complimentary gift basket of Angolian wines and cheeses, and the opportunity to storm the home of Pauly Shore. It was the least the Angolian government could do.

1 comment:

  1. stop the terror! get Sean Sexton Cunningham as well (creator of friday the 13th)