How my mind works....read this if you dare!

So at work we have to fill out this annual assessment form. You probably have to do something similar, as HR in either the public or private sectors inflict this upon the workers of our fair country.

I hate them.

Mostly because I am rubbish at talking myself up. Happy to point out to the lords and masters who else is doing a stirling job, but when asked what I have done I sort of adopt a shoe scuffing, embarrassed sort of stance and start mumbling.

So in our particular department we have a six month check to ensure you are  on track with meeting the various efficiencies , and then a end of year summary.  There are various sections and targets and things. You end up reading through what they want you to write about and discuss how you did or didn't achieve for that particular competency.

We end up writing something along the lines of :

"Despite the various changes that have affected our team over the last six months, and the challenges that those changes presented, I have consistently met my targets."

Basically a lot of BS.

So what has this to do with writing?

I had to complete mine before 5pm yesterday. So I opened  up the document and stared at the first of six sections desperately trying to get motivated to talk about how wonderful I am etc.  So I did the usual things; had a cup of tea, looked at the sky, and then at the ceiling, then at my colleagues, had a glass of water, checked my emails, went to the bathroom. And then I started to procrastinate.
So as I stared at my monitor and contemplated whether I exhibited sufficient integrity in using the team stapler, my mind wandered. And I thought to myself
"What if a  knight had to suffer through all the PC bureaucracy and red tape that modern workers have to.

And I came up with this:

SECTION 4: Full Year Assessment

Record ye the full year assessment, providing details and evidence against both the objectives and capabilities areas for each expectation. Lie not, and may God have mercy on your soul.

1.  Did ye do duty by God, your lord, land, and name?
Did Ye achieve what Ye needed to achieve?	Vassals Comments: I drank, I sang, I defeated the forces of evil. Good times! Do I regret them? Well of course I have some regrets, but verily I look to the future.
	Lieges Comments:
RATING	Like a peasant	Met by the grace of God	Well met sir	Huzzah
Did Ye demonstrate the required behaviours?	Vassals Comments: Honour, integrity, loyalty. I took no bread from the poor, and paid my shilling to mother church. I never struck an orphan nor offended a lady.
	Lieges  Comments:
RATING	Needs A thrashing	Squire	Knightly	Outstanding
2.  Battle
Did Ye achieve what Ye needed to achieve?	Vassals Comments: At the battle of Mosswoth field I defeated the Baron of shieden and ransomed him for 12 gold guineas. I also took the head of Carl of Wesson while taking the field in a charge against their foot.  I lost barely a score of souls that day and they fled the field. Huzzah!
	Lieges  Comments:
RATING	Like a peasant	Met by the grace of God	Well met sir	Huzzah
Did Ye demonstrate the required behaviours?	Vassals Comments: I never struck a foe from behind nor unarmed. I carried my ladies favour and did not take another.  My honour remains strong, and I spent the guineas on a new pup for myself and a sheath of silver and silks for my lady
	Lieges  Comments:
RATING	Needs A thrashing	Squire	Knightly	Outstanding
3.  Chivalry
Did Ye achieve what Ye needed to achieve?	Vassals Comments: Verily my poetry was lacking. But who did not did not enjoy my rousing recital of “my one true loves a sailing ship!” huzzah
	Lieges  Comments:
RATING	Like a peasant	Met by the grace of God	Well met sir	Huzzah
Did Ye demonstrate the required behaviours?	Vassals Comments: Well I suspect that I drank far too much wine before performances. I guess I am not one for the scribes table. I will endeavour to do better in the future
	Lieges  Comments:
RATING	Needs A thrashing	Squire	Knightly	Outstanding
4.  Tourney
Did Ye achieve what Ye needed to achieve?	Vassals Comments:
	Lieges  Comments:
RATING	Like a peasant	Met by the grace of God	Well met sir	Huzzah
Did Ye demonstrate the required behaviours?	Vassals Comments: I groomed my horse every day myself.  While some use their page I prefer to care for Conquistador myself. Although I must confess around strangers as he can be kind of “bitey”. Still he is a solid companion; nay may I say a true friend.
	Lieges  Comments:
RATING	Needs A thrashing	Squire	Knightly	Outstanding
5.  Courtly performance
Did Ye achieve what Ye needed to achieve?	Vassals Comments: Sadly my midyear plan for trying to use the foot work I adopt in battle to improve my dancing was an abysmal failure.  I fear I just do not understand this modern music nor dance with its scarves and frippery.
	Lieges  Comments:
RATING	Like a peasant	Met by the grace of God	Well met sir	Huzzah
Did Ye demonstrate the required behaviours?	Vassals Comments: I twirled, I frolicked, I tipperied. But my two right feet appear to be better set for the blood stained mud of battle.
	Lieges  Comments:
RATING	Needs A thrashing	Squire	Knightly	Outstanding