stay tuned

Hi
sorry for the lack of posts. I have had issues with blogger not saving what i have written and then I got a lung infection.
But things to come:

• My trip to Armageddon
• The Tower heist
• The Hunger Games

Thank you for your patience

Immortals (2011)

For those that read my blog you know that I am a bit of a classicist when it comes to film adaptations. I strongly feel that you can successfully adapt any story to film as long as you stay true to the basic premise of the story.   Maybe a steam punk version of The Wizard of Oz, or more of a horror based story where the cowardly lion is a were-wolf. But you still need Dorothy, her friends and the journey to Oz. If you go off on a crazy tangent and depart from the original premise you create highly expensive dross which no amount of special effects can save.

" I know isnthis version of Spiderman lets make him, like the heir to this vast fortune and when he is a kid his parents are killed in front of him. Yeah! and he can be like 'oh no you didn't, because he is a wise cracking, rap'n hero from Philly. Is Will Smith free?"

For example when I first heard they were remaking Clash of the Titans  I was excited. The original film, was a largely a departure from the original myth, but I had fond nostalgic memories of the 1981 movie. The plasticine monsters and stop motion animation was cool, and while not an accurate depiction of the Perseus myth, the story was very entertaining and and full of the heroic daring that a 10 year old me expected from a hero.  You  have probably read my extended rant on why the remake of  Clash of the Titans was utter garbage.
It was with trepidation then that I heard there was a new movie about the Greek hero Theseus. Mythology and fairy tales exist to this day for a very simple reason, they are good stories.

Here is a synopsis of  Immortals:

When the world was new two factions of immortal beings fought for dominion of earth. The losers were incarcerated under the mountain Tarterous and called Titans. The winners lived in Olympus and were called Gods. King Hyperion (Micky Rourke) bitter with the loss of his family decides that there is no place for gods in his world. He will release the Titans, destroy the gods and conquer Greece. All he needs is to find the lost Epirus bow, and he can set the titans free. But one man has the strength to oppose him, Theseus. Trained by an enegmatic old man (John Hurt) to not just be a skilled warrior but to consider the reasons why men fight, Theseus is being prepared for events that will make him immortalised in legend.

Ensue Grecian hijinks!

It sounds a lot like Clash of the Titans  doesn't it. And the question is, was I disappointed after I watched this movie?

Yes I was!

I was bloody disappointed that I did not see this on the big screen because it was stunning!

The director is Tarsem Singh, Tarsem has a incredible talent for cinematic aesthetic. Tarsem is not the best storyteller which usually drives me mental, but I knew that if he directed Immortals  then it would be a damn pretty film, and it was. Any man that successfully incorporates the art of Dali and Michelangelo in his film has a talent.If fact the whole film is styled in a crazy blend of rennaiscence and surrealsit art. He even choreographed an exciting fight scene in the style of classical Greek art!

Yes the visuals are exciting but what about the story and the actors? Well just quickly I should add that my partner (whose love and knowledge of art history enlightened me about many of the artistic inspirations in the film) was happy to watch it due to the lead being played by the talented Henry Cavill, late of the TV series The Tudors. Cavill give us a solid performance in the role as a Greek hero. And for the ladies he is very easy on the eye. Micky Rourke plays a great  King Hyperion; understated, violent and remorseless.  John Hurt, Stephen Dorf and the  rest of the supporting cast are talented and entertaining. 

But this is a story of Theseus. Are there gods, a Labyrinth and the all important Minotaur? Yes there are, but Tarsem has tried in part to return to the origins of the myth. But I am not saying anything more, as I don't give spoilers, except to add I really liked the minotaur. No it wasn't a brilliant script or deeply engaging story, especially as it is based on one of the great legends of Greek mythology. But I will say that for me this film was everything Clash promised but did not deliver. It was fun, action packed, artistic and highly entertaining and it made sense.

I rate Immortals 7 heroic Monkeys which was limited by watching it on a tv.  If you have a projector and a sound system it will make this a fun experience.

Angolia part seven; The Seventies to the Nineties, and September 11

The Disco years to Magnum P.I.
1972-1988

1972 brought and end to civil war to Angolia, but not peace. In December 1972 the invasion of Disco came to Angolia's peaceful land. This dark time lasted until 1981 with fashion crimes too terrible to mention here. Then finally in 1981 Disco was officially dead. It was shot several times while waiting at some traffic lights in it's cream Cadillac with avocado interior, then driven into the jungle and buried in an unmarked grave.

Human rights abuses under the Disco era

 From 1980 -1988 the country entered a new era of hope, and with hope came American television and the people became obsessed with the American TV show Magnum P.I. The country became so obsessed that the Angolian parliament passed legislation that the Angolian police force’s new uniform be changed to shorts, large moustaches and Hawaiian shirts, and the old police land rovers be replaced with Ferrari's.

Angolian Chief of police Francois Burgandy  on duty in 1986

While this legislation almost bankrupted the country, an impromptu visit by Tom Selleck in 1987 made the ridiculous expense worth it. Another issue was that the new policemen were so popular, young women would commit crimes merely to draw attention to themselves.

Economic ruin and the 90’s

1988 drove the country into ruin. Not because of the stock market crash, but due to the finance minister, Sir Miquel Renoyds investing the entire countries budget into a large DeLorean car factory after watching the movie Back to the Future.

Sir Miquel Renoyds just before his death

At a press conference Sir Renoyds  told the country that he would fix the issue by “Travelling back to 1986 to tell himself not to do it.”  Unfortunately he was killed when his car subsequently crashed into the historic New Noir fort at 88 miles per hour.

During the early 90’s the country survived on its tourist dollar, renting the national army out to Hollywood as extras for action movies starring Mel Gibson, and telemarketing Avon.

Economic recovery and the war against terror

1999 bought a time of economic recovery for the country when Crown Prince Luc Paul Scarlett II a recent graduate of  computer science at the University of Oxford, invented the Angolian Y2K protection software. He promised other developing African nations that, for a reasonable price, their countries would not fall into ruin and chaos after their computer systems collapsed in the year 2000.

Prince Luc Paul Scarlett II

While foreign critics have condemned the prince as fraudulent and conducting an elaborate hoax, Angolia  benefited from other countries' paranoia. Although Prince Luc himself points out that, history reflects that the countries that did buy his software did not suffer from mass computer software collapses. Although admittedly many did suffer economic problems.

The terrible events of September 11 had a profound effect on the Country. Angolia instantly signed up to fight the war against terror. Unfortunately due to a lack of understanding by Parliament of what that actually meant, Angolia sent it’s army to the homes of  Wes Craven, John Carpenter and Pauly Shore, and banned all the Hostel movies.
Despite the initial distress caused by the invasion of their homes, both Mr. Carpenter and Mr. Craven were very understanding Especially after they received; an official apology, a large complimentary gift basket of Angolian wines and cheeses, and the opportunity to storm the home of Pauly Shore. It was the least the Angolian government could do.

The TAN Band wagon (the new TMNT movie)

HAPPY EASTER

There is a lot of talk amongst my friends, co-workers and online commentators about the new reboot of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle franchise. Michael Bay's production company is behind the new project with Jonathan Liebesman as the director. 

For those that are not immediately familiar with Michael bay or Jonathan Liebesman, Michael Bay was behind the recent  Transformer movies, Armageddon,  and Pearl Harbor. Jonathan Liebesman was the director of  Battle Los Angeles,  and  Wrath of the Titans.

 Are you a bit nervous yet?

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were originally an adult comic created by Kevin Eastman, and Peter Laird. They went on to market their black and white comic into a successful franchise including; a role playing game  kid friendly colour comics,a TV cartoon series, computer games and a series of movies. 

We are all familiar (well unless you came from some sort of luddite household without a TV and never visited a toy shop in the late 80's, early 90's)  with the back story. of TMNT.  Leonardo, Raphael, Donatello and Michelangelo were four turtles mutated into humanoid Turtles with great strength and agility by some toxic radioactive waste in the sewers of New York. They were trained by their sensei and adopted father, Splinter in the arts of Ninjitsu to become four crime fighters. Splinter named his sons after the great masters of the Renaissance.  As I said most people of Gen X and Y, even if they were not fans of the heroes in a halfshell know who they are, and are familiar of the basic mythology of the franchise. 
 So you can imagine the consternation of people who have heard the recent announcement by Michael Bay promoting his new project.

I quote:
“These turtles are from an alien race, and they’re going to be tough, edgy, funny, and completely lovable.”

Woah there Samson! Did he actually say these Turtles are from an alien race? Yes he did, and there has been a lot of backlash from fans about it.I like this tweet personally:

"The screams of kids of the 80's can be heard in Space" by Shawn Green.  Robbie Rist who was a voice actor for Michelangelo wrote an open letter to Michael Bay stating :
"I know believing in mutated talking turtles is kinda silly to begin with but am I supposed to be led to believe there are ninjas from another planet? The rape of our childhood memories continues..."
 Strong words.

What do I think?

I think that Michael Bay is a successful director and producer with several highly profitable movies behind him. He has a good understanding of pacing, special effects and spectacle. In fact I would say that Mr. Bay is a master of cinematic spectacle. Maybe that's why Pearl Harbour was such a success. Now I admit I haven't seen Pearl Harbour, but IMDB rates it 5.6 and the Rotten Tomatoes site rates it at 25%, and all but one friend who has watched it said; well said it sucked!
So a master of spectacle But not really a great story teller. I think the creators of South Park  sum up my feelings for Mr. Bays work with this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4DCa4DwpWAk

I have seen Jonathan Liebesman's Battle Los Angeles however and it was pretty dull. It was meant to be this exciting action movie with guns, more guns and aliens. Which it was, but it was also dreadfully long. And I mean terribly log and drawn out until you found yourself sighing and reaching for the DVD cover to check the minutes.
It should have been named  battle the doldrums 

Now this live action movie made by this two stirling examples of creativity will be called  Ninja Turtles and apparently the earth will be invaded by Aliens, but they will be resisted by the Turtles (well aliens who look like Turtles) who I imagine will save the day.  Now I have seen one reference of Krang being in this movie which is interesting.

 

Krang was one of the  original villains from the RPG and the cartoon. He is an evil alien who wishes to take over the Earth, and joins up with the heroes arch nemisis Shredder. So if they include Krang  perhaps this film will be truer to the original concept than I first thought?

What a minute lets look at this story again? Earth will be invaded by Aliens, but they will be resisted by other Aliens which resemble something on earth, Turtles. Oh god all we need is some sort of mystical artifact and a local teenager and we have the mutant version of  Transformers  except that's just it isn't it, there are no mutants just aliens.

As you know (well if you read this blog) I am a firm believer that if you are making a making a movie, regardless if it is a movie of a comic, or book, TV show or even fairy tale or legend, that you are true to the basic concept;  Luke is Darth Vaders son, Indiana Jones is an Archaeologist, Dorothy is trying to get home, James Bond is a secret agent. You can of course take a story and retell it in a new and exciting way. O Brother Where art thou?  was a clever retelling of the story of Odysseus, and  The Graveyard Book  was a retelling of Rudyard Kipling's Jungle Book.  These adaptations still told the same story while being true to the original concept, but as with the Indiana Jones or James bond examples, it doesn't work if Indiana is a physicist or James is a Butler.

Indy contemplated quantum electrochemistry

Adaptions and retelling of classic stories can be creative and entertaining. They do not have to be trite or cheap copies of earlier works. I truly believe that storytelling is only confined by the boundaries of human imagination. However it appears that some Hollywood studios are constrained by their fear of a bad box office to think beyond Michael Bay turning a piece of child hood nostalgia into a bad rehash of his previous work.
I could well be wrong in this, but I refer to  Pearl Harbour  and the latest  Transformers movie.

Anyway I hope you all had a great Easter and more Angolia posts are coming.

A break from Angolia to Barsoon

John Carter 2012

 

An ode to Tim who thinks my blog is just film reviews

 

Edger Rice Burroughs the writer is most famous for the Tarzan stories. As a boy I loved watching old black and white Tarzan movies on TV on a Saturday afternoon.  They were exciting and full of adventure. Edger Rice Burroughs had the ability of capturing your imagination, of taking you deep into a jungle full of wild beasts, exotic native tribes, and lost civilisations. Tarzan is a seminal figure in literature, parodied, paid homage to and blatantly copied in various mediums and forms over the years.

 

Edger Rice Burroughs wrote many other works including The land that time forgot, and the Martian chronicles, also known as the Barsoon novels. The stories revolve around John Carter, a civil war veteran who is transported to Mars, where he fights monsters, wars and has high adventure. But while most people have heard of Tarzan, not as many know who John Carter is.

 

Disney has spent a very large sum of money (around 250 Million US) to reintroduce John Carter to the world.  What was it like? Here is a Synopsis.

 

In 1891 John Carter invites his young nephew, Ned Burroughs to visit him in New York . Ned is surprised and upset to find that his favourite uncle has suddenly passed away since he received the invitation. Not only that, Ned discovers he is the heir to his uncle’s vast wealth and many possessions. These possessions include a locked diary which only Ned is allowed to read.  Ned opens it to find that his uncle has a fantastic secret.

 

 After the civil war had ended John Carter, late of the north Virginian Calvary was an itinerant treasure hunter on the Arizona frontier.  While escaping some Apaches, John discovers a cave filled with gold and strange alien carvings. He investigates the cave only to be attacked by a mysterious robed man who appears out of no where. John shoots the stranger and takes from him a glowing talisman. Instantly he is transported to an alien world.  On that world he encounters adventure, aliens, and that on this world his body reacts a little differently than normal.

 

Queue Martian hijinx!

 

John Carter is a Disney production directed by Andrew Stanton, who has previously directed highly successful movies such as Finding Nemo, and Wall-E.  John Carter is Stanton ’s first live action film.  Taylor Kitsch relatively unknown to cinema viewers plays John Carter opposite Lynn Collins who you may recognise from True Blood.

 

250 million $US, a director who has previously only directed animated films and no a-list actors in the lead roles, how can this be good idea?

 

In fact is a great idea. The production value is fantastic; half the cast are cgi aliens and the interaction with the human cast is virtually seamless. This is important because it keeps the narrative flowing and does not jolt the audience out of the story.

 

The supporting cast includes; Bryan Cranston, James Purefoy, Mark Strong, Dominic West,  Ciarán Hinds, and the voice of Willem Dafoe. It is a strong supporting cast of character actors who invested themselves into their roles.

 

While studio has obviously spent a lot of money, it appears to be invested into the story, not just spent on the movie, if that makes sense. And that is the crux of it, the story. Great cgi, A-list actors and loads of money do not make a good movie if the story sucks (look at Clash of the Titans).

 

Andrew Stanton wanted John Carter to be true to the adventure stories envisaged by Edger Rice Burroughs. And if trying to capture the audience’s imagination the way that Edger Rice Burroughs did in his novels meant he got the science wrong, so be it.  The story is rich with action, unexpected humour, and romance. And I don’t necessarily mean the love interest between John carter and the beautiful princess of Mars (yes a princess), I mean with the romance of a grand adventure.

 

The low points of John Carter would be the performances of Ciarán Hinds, and Dominic Wests. Ciarán as the ruler of the city of Heluim and Dominic as the villain did not give as strong as a performance as they could have done in my opinion. I would rate both actors quite highly and of the two Ciaráns performance seemed the most stilted. I think they were more disappointing than bad performances really, but not enough to detract from my overall enjoyment.

 

Critics are completely divided over John Carter, some of them really enjoying it, others loathing it as a cheesy expensive mess. To me this is not a movie that critics will fall over themselves to rate. And the reason is it isn’t a grand experiment in acting or technical expertise, it’s not a dramatic work that challenges you. It is a story of swords, monsters, princesses and Mars. Also there are a lot of comments like derivative and John Carter is no Luke Skywalker, with out taking into consideration that these stories were the inspiration for a lot of modern science fiction.

 

I liked John Carter because it was an unpretentious fun story that fully delivered a grand adventure. Having read some of the stories I think it was a decent adaptation as well. I think, and hope that Mr. Burroughs would have enjoyed it for what it was too.

 

Seven Martian Monkeys

P.S. do not confuse John Carter with A Princess of Mars.  That’s dire. 

Angolia part six; The F.L.A. and the Banana war

Civil war lasted in Angolia for around six years. During this time the B.L.A. would terrorise local fruit and veggie shops by running in and stealing all the Banana’s at gun point. Then annoying the public by throwing them into the jungle with shouts of “Be free my yellow non gender specific siblings!”

Dozens of people emigrated from the ice cream sundae parlour to the bakeries in the great banana split famine of 1966

Their reign of terror ended in 1967 when Madonna Patel,the enraged wife of Tiberious Patel, Fruit merchant, followed the masked revolutionaries to their bed and breakfast after one of their strikes against her husband. After locating their hideout she called the community constable who arrested them. The B.L.A. were then forced to work in the Patel's shop for six months soft labour, before being thrashed and deported back to America.

A Portrait of Madonna Patel who was give the bronze croissant for service to the horticultural industry

Alfonzo's war continued well into 1972 due to his continued absences from battling the army with sick notes and a medical certificate from his GP. Eventually his army was cornered while trying to sneak into orientation Week at Angolian University. After a fierce battle the F.L.A. was destroyed by a group of enraged boyfriends egged by their girlfriends that Alfonzo and his army tried to hit on.

Alfonzo himself escaped to a near by bar and being a complete idiot decided to try his luck again. Learning the lesson from the devastating defeat of his army from the first year student body he decided to try what he thought was easier prey.  He spied a young blond tourist in the middle of a fight with two women. Angolian historians have pieced together the next few moments. Alfonzo smoothed back his greasy dreadlocks and sauntered over the the women and uttered something along the lines of:
"Hey is this cat bothering you." The women told him to go away, and he said
"Hey baby, why have vanilla, when you can have chocolate. Alfonzo is the sauce." The women repeated their request to go away, but Alfonzo persisted.
"Hey baby, did it hurt when you fell form heaven, coz Aflnzo has not seen two such smoking angels before."
At this point the nearby Norwegian tourist, Oscar Erikdotterisen politely asked Alfonzo to leave the ladies alone. Alfonzo pushed the blond tourist over. "Alfonzo to the rescue, don't worry  there is plenty of Alfonzo to go around."

While there is some academic debate as to the cause of the death of Alfonzo Boohoohoo; some consider it was due to to the fact Alfonzo spoke in the third person when he tried to pick up women,  Others hypothesise  it was because he touched the women with his greasy paws.  Leading Angolian historian Francois Amelie Deville who interviewed the witnesses has the most accepted theory.  The two women were champion karate black belts who were celebrating a mutual friends birthday. They were both quite enamoured by young Oscars accent, and being both highly competitive were fighting over the tourist. Alfonzo's interruption, his violence to their intended paramour, and twenty seven jagerbombs drove the women past breaking point. The two women dragged Alfonzo outside to the car park and promptly kicked  him to death. The battle of Oscar Erikdotterisen ended the F.L.A.'s fight and the revolution in Angolia. 

The battle of Oscar Erikdotterisen improved relations between Angolia and Norway considerably.

Angolia; Part five More revolution

 
The sixties were a decade of republics and revolution against colonial rule in Africa. But in Angolia the citizens were more interested in the cultural revolutions of the UK and the USA.In December 1965 Angolia offically adopted the Mini-skirt as the national dress. 



Angolian woman in traditional dress



 But civil unrest did occur. Disaffected members of the minority Frooti tribe felt that they should have a bigger say in Government. Alfonzo Beatrice Boohoohoo, fourth son of one of the Frooti cheifs stated that Cabinet was just made up of a “bunch of monkeys!” That traditionally Angolia was Frooti land, and that the original tribe was now segregated to a small village near the north east border of the country near a large tannery and a soap works. He demanded that he and his people be given 90% ownership of Angolian territory and complementary drinks at the casino.

Alfonzo Beatrice Boohoohoo and his entire army

He furhter demanded that he was to be made the minister of the treasury so the Frooti people had the same rights to be corrupt and rob the country just like other African nations.

 The Angolian parliament responded to Alfonzo’s demands with this statement :

“Yes we are a bunch of Monkeys, but democratically elected monkeys from every species found in Angolia. We also note that Mr. Boohoohoo is banned from the casino for insisting on wearing sandals and running up a tab, which was still unpaid. We further note that all members of parliament are paid in Bananas, and that Mr. Boohoohoo might not feel so oppressed if he got ajob instead of just applying for endless student loans, and hanging around campus trying it on with first years.”

Angolia's Parliment meeting over the new transport act in March 1965

Alfonzo took this statement as the motivation he needed. He made a general call to arms, and with his Brother Nigel and his sisters boyfriends cousin Tirone, he established the Frooti Liberation Army (F.L.A.).

As in other countries foreign nationals flocked to support the revolutionary cause. However to a bad translation of the above situation the only revolutionaries who came to Angolia were two dozen vegans from San Francisco who thought they were liberating Banana’s. They formed the Banana Liberation Front (B.L.F).

The B.L.F.

Civil war erupted in 1966